This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
