I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
