Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
