On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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