meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
