just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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