I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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