I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
