As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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