none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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