I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
