Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
