Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
