the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
