I will die if light touches me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
