As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
