I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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