if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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