Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
