if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
