Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
