I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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