I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
