dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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