There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im part way to drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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