youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
