his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
