So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
