just come out here and I will go home with you...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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