Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
