the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
