people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
