I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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