How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
