Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
