dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
