I am puke
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
