I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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