i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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