I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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