I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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