when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
