420 ftw
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
