he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
