if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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