Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
