you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
