he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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