even my farts smell like vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
