if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the condom got lost in my hair
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
